volume
1, issue 20
Today
in loonygames:
New!! The Archives have been cleaned up, fead links fixed, and printable versions restored! Also, don't miss the new comments on the front page!
Livin'
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theAntiELVIS explores the wild and wacky world that is Will Wright's The Sims,
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life where everyone is Swedish?"
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Vasquez on Omikron: The Nomad Soul.
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Thinking
Outside the Box:
The TOBYs
By
Paul "Villam"
Steed
Anything
I say comes from me and represents my personal opinions, views and subtle
plans for influencing society. Read, ruminate over and remember at your
own risk. If I teach you something and it helps, teach someone else.
s
I mentioned in last week’s TOTB, I want to recognize some individuals
and groups of individuals recognizable in the community from 1998 that
think both outside and inside the box. Since Hollywood has catchy
names for their awards like 'Oscars' and 'Emmys', I'd like to call these
awards 'Totbys' and 'Titbys' respectively. Effective but not too terribly
creative I agree.
First, let's start with those out-of-the-box types - the Totbys. The
nominees in the Single Person category of this probably never prestigious
award were:
loonyboi
Mynx
John Carmack
Melanie Cambron
Misanthropic Bitch
And the winner is....
Mynx
loonyboi is just plain maniacal so he doesn't really know the difference
between a box or a sphere. John is really quite indefinable so I think
the judges were only trying to score points with him. Melanie is quite
valid a nominee since she gave a name to this column. MB is very tenable
as a paragon of out-of-box-thinking (read her site sometimes), but really...Mynx
is the hands-down winner. Her column not only predates TOTB, her words
of gritty wisdom and elocutionary acumen help inspire TOTB and makes
her the First Lady of thinkers outside the box everywhere. Heed her,
kids. She knows what she is talking about.
The nominations for a group of people that thinks outside the box were:
id Software
PC Gamer UK
Valve
Epic
PC Powerplay
The winner is...
PC Powerplay wins because they simply rock. They report gaming news
and gaming 'stuff' with an opinion. The fact they're an Australian gaming
magazine may help but then again that's why PC Gamer UK was nominated
- gaming magazines originating outside the US are better reads. As far
as the other nominees go, unfortunately id had to be disqualified due
to a lack of judging impartiality. Valve has enough sunshine currently
being blown up their collective behinds, and Epic was just thrown in
for the hell of it.
So. On to those myopic, enclosed types. The nominees for individuals
who deserve a Titby for their actions in 1998 were hard to pick since
there seemed to be so many. But the following few have distinguished
themselves by making it to the top of the list unlike cream rising and
more like oil floating:
Andrew Smith
Todd Porter
Kevin Murphy
Johnny Wilson
Kenneth Starr
And the supreme loser is...
Andrew Smith
I mean do I need to expound on why Andy is the best example a single
person could give for thinking within a box? I'd even wager he looks
square, has a square head and lives in a square house. This guy was
an amazing poster child for box-underside thinkers across the globe.
Wanker.
Todd Porter is more of a self-centered, self-delusional than a thinker
within a box but hey, it fits. Kevin Murphy, the editor of the Mushroom
deserves my ire because I'm of Hawaiian decent and he's not funny. Johnny
Wilson's Titby nomination was covered in-depth last week, and Kenneth
Starr is just plain stupidly boxed in by his own ambition and amply
documented hypocrisy.
Finally the group that deserves a Titby for thinking within the box
is Digimation. I threw out the other nominees because this entire award
ceremony was created just for them. Digimation sucks. Period. They care
only about one thing: money. They say that an employee will cop the
same attitude as his boss and that corporate identity is flavored and
shaped by the employees. Well guess what, Dave? You've trained and coached
your people well.
If you ever had the urge to follow the blind request of some obscure
internet personality that for some inexplicable reason was given his
own column, then please do the following: Never Buy Another Product
From Digimation, Inc. They so thoroughly demonstrate as a company the
inability to think outside a box that I am amazed they have any customer
base. Inane. Insipid. Incredibly unbelievable, Digimation is about nothing
but the bottom line and that line is nowhere near their customers.
So, kids, thanks for tuning in and I wish you nothing but the best of
luck in this eve of the millennium. I've got a feeling it's going to
be a great year (I just wish I could get all that Nostradamus crap out
of my head).
Take care and please open your eyes to the world and life around you
on a regular basis.
ps
-
Paul Steed is an incredibly opinionated 3D modeller for id Software.
We begged him to switch to decaf. Honest
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