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volume 1, issue 26

Today in loonygames:

New!! The Archives have been cleaned up, fead links fixed, and printable versions restored! Also, don't miss the new comments on the front page!

Livin' With The Sims: theAntiELVIS explores the wild and wacky world that is Will Wright's The Sims, asking the inevitable quesiton, "is The Sims the first step toward a virtual life where everyone is Swedish?"

Pixel Obscura: Josh Vasquez on Omikron: The Nomad Soul.

Real Life: Check out our newest comic strip, Real Life! Updated daily!

User Friendly: Updated daily!

T-Shirts: Stylin' loonygames t-shirts from Berda Compugrafix!

Artwork: Hey, dig the artwork on loonygames? We're selling some of the original art.


You've got an opinion...voice it! Drop a line to our Feedback column...you could end up with a free T-Shirt!

Random Feature :

Is Duke Sexist?: An exclusive look at this question that has dogged Duke Nukem's entire career (from our third issue).

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The grr...argh! dept:
MailBag for Issue #26

Comments by Jason"loonyboi" Bergman

From: Todd <[email protected]>

Subject: feedback

Regarding the cricticism that Riven and Myst recieved, I am honestly displeased by this. Yes they are slideshow games that are entirely puzzles but that is the point of the game- its a puzzle! If you don't like puzzles you don't any business playing the game! This is like if Siskel and Ebert (well not poor Siskel anymore :( ) started reviewing things they had no interest in such as I don't know... shoes maybe? For those of us who enjoy puzzles then Myst and Riven are the most fun games ever for us.


From: "Timothy Pew" <[email protected]>

Subject: feedback

Dude, how could you put Zelda 64 on that list of most over-rated games and leave Final Fantasy 7 off? That game was so disgustingly over-rated it makes me sick. FF3 is the best Square game and they've gone quickly downhill ever since. Sadly most of their games are just a brief step short of greatness, but that step involves balancing the end of the game out a lot and they just don't do it. Too bad really.

Hey, to each their own…personally, I love Final Fantasy VII…best thing since sliced bread.


From: "Jeff Young" <[email protected]>

Subject: feedback



I loved Zelda 64 for the same reason I loved Mario 64, the gameplay. Now I know that Zelda dosen't have the best story in the world, gut then again, what Zelda did? The story was good enough to keep me interested until I beat it. If you had a problem with the levels in Zelda, you weren't good at the game. I found them easy and fun to play through. You also say that Mario 64 was a pleasure (which it was), but the thing you were missing in Zelda is something you didn't really need in Mario: SKILL.



The story was the game, the characters were interesting and original, and the dialogue was the best that I have ever seen in any game. Forget the fuss over the game, don't let that bother you, enjoy the game as it is.



I fucking hate these games.

X-MEN fighting games (capcom)


The games were different kinds of games (X-Men/Street Fighter Alpha), they had a different fighting style, its called VARIETY!!! You can't compare VF3, tekken, and SFA2 to these games. They are totally fucking different!!! I do agree that you can win by pounding the buttons, but if your opponent had any skill, he would have beat your ass. If you can't pay attention to what is going on on the screen, then I suggest that you play pong so your mind will be able to comprehend.



Quit your whining and bitching about the games imperfections, and quit whining over the hype. ENJOY THE GAMES HOW THEY ARE.


[email protected]


From: "Paul Oglebay" <[email protected]>

Subject: feedback

I have a theory that loonyboi wrote his most overrated games of all time article either while on the Water Temple in Zelda or right after having finished it. The reason I say this is because no one likes the Water Temple. It clearly shows his negative comments about this game. It's tedious and not very fun. I admit this even though I feel little doubt saying that Zelda is my favorite game ever. Another opinion of mine is that the story is a very slight plus, not a large minus. If you take away the story you still have an excellent game. Now, if you put the story back you have a slightly better game. Come on, it's a Nintendo game, the focus isn't on the story. He seems to think that having a weak story in this game is some awful thing. This isn't Xenogears after all.

I think I actually liked Zelda more the second time I played through it. The reason is that I knew the solutions to the more obscure puzzles, so I could focus on the more enjoyable parts of the game. I also got all of the skulltullas and heart pieces the second time (I've beaten it four times).

I personally think he's got it backwards. The weaknesses falter under the extreme weight of the strenghts, not the other way around. Even though I think it's the best game ever I still think it's overrated just because people called it perfect. It's clearly not. In the same way that Half-Life overcomes its flaws (sometimes losing your way due to similar look of your surroundings, no sense of accomplishment due to doing the same thing over and over again, linearity, scripted sequence followed by having to find an alternate path then repeat), so does Zelda. The first time that I found the skulltulla on top of the tree on the island in Lake Hylia, the first time I jumped across the broken bridge in Gerudo Valley on Epona, the first time I realized you could shoot the Gerudos with an arrow and knock them out after having gotten caught several times, the guy in the windmill who tells you about an incident seven years ago then going back in time and creating that incident, and so many more things combine to create a game with more depth and magic than any other game to date.

The backtracking he mentioned is only really annoying to me in the Water Temple. Part of what Miyamoto does best is show you items or places you can't reach until later. For instance, when you first emerge from the Temple of Time as older Link and you see the red cloud above Death Mountain. That's awesome.

I have a proposal that loonyboi goes and beats the game then plays through it again. If he still doesn't think it's a great game then I'll accept it. Until then I'll think that he's missing the finer points and he should stick to Xenogears or become a book critic because he seems to care more about story than gameplay.

Oh, and about Metal Gear Solid, I also think it's overrated, but there are some very subtle, cool things in there. For instance, when you knock out Meryl because she's being controlled by Psycho Mantis, Snake leans down to check her pulse while Mantis is talking. If you have a Dual Shock controller it rumbles a tiny amount two or three times to simulate her pulse. Very cool.

Paul Oglebay

[email protected]


From: Steve <[email protected]>

Subject: feedback

Right on the money man! When do you start your review mag?



Proving that there really is someone who likes Rampage…


From: "Christopher Buteau" <[email protected]>

Subject: feedback : Rampage how dare you!!


I'll agree on the Marvel superheroes thing totally and Myst I'll leave to the Myst people

but Rampage I love I've only played this in the arcade so maybe that makes my perception different

it's not the same single player but playing side by side with people rocks Rocks ROCKS

I can knock helicopters out of the air I can EAT the soldiers shooting at me if I power down and am trying to insert quarters I scream "don't eat medude" and he eats me anyway cause that is his nature :-)

I'd say try again with this game it's been a classic in my mind


Christopher Buteau

[email protected]



And the winner of this week's t-shirt…the guy who jumped the gun on next week's "From the Mouth of Madness" (and created a few games, to boot):

From: Nicholas Schell <[email protected]>

Subject: feedback

I have never played these games before (they are real), but from the sound of them I would think they may be pretty strange:

Tinkle Pit

Flopon The Space Mutant

Hunt The Wumpus

And how about a few of my own, just for the heck of it (these would be arcade games, FYI):

WoodTris - The Original Lincoln Log Puzzler

A one or two-player tetris style puzzle game where the object, instead of erasing lines, is to build cabins (yuk yuk).

Elmo Tickle Fighter (original title: Sesame Street South Side)

Elmo, Big Bird, Snuffle-Uppagus, and the rest of the fuzzy fighters battle it out in the war-torn ghettos that are now Sesame Street. Usingsecret joystick tickle combos (try Snuffle-Uppagus's Terrible Twisting Tickling Hairy Trunk Attack as F,F+L,F+R,F,B,F+U,F,B,F,B,B,F) the object is to maneuver the muppety street fighters through the endless hordes of Oscar the Grouches and tickle them before they get too crusty and force everyone into believing that the whole world sucks.

Mortal Kongress

The year is 2039 and the Republican Party is out of control. They have finally seized the government and have somehow declared voting to be a $40,000 per vote taxable activity! Eventually, the country barely wheezes by as countless generations of people are born into, live as, and die as Blockbuster Video clerks without hope of promotion, retirement, or respect. Violence rises, tempers flare, and the streets are transformed into war zones in the elitist nether-zone that is now NuAmerica. Take control of the situation and fight your way through the Senate; kicking senators, punching representatives, and flinging deadly magically-charged decapitating Blockbuster tapes at anyone who refuses to acknowledge your rights to freedom, liberty, and a half-decent chance of earning an income that doesn't suck.

Old Man Pac Man

With Baby Pac Man, Jr. Pac Man, Ms. Pac Man, and Professor Pac Man finally having run their course through the arcades of America, the long overdue Old Man Pac Man arrives on the scene. New treats are dropped in the classic all-too-familiar-blue maze. Alka-Seltzer tablets, Tums wafers, and Centrum multivitamins take the place of the little dots for what must have been a 15-year eating spree. No longer afraid of ghosts, Old Pac now has to deal with avoiding roaming clouds of flatulence. You guessed it, large fans now replace the energizer pills.

Sega Glitzy Glintzy Chintzy Cheezy Booster Blinker Blaster Blazer Turbo Zapper Laser RACER GT-X Z XX Z

Sega goes over the top yet again with another visually intensive, over-the-top racing extravaganza. Sparing nothing in the pursuit of achieving the most advanced arcade graphics yet seen, SGCCBBBBBTZLR GT-X Z XX Z sacrifices everything for the ultimate in arcade eye candy. It is the only game to feature a strobe light, a fog machine, and 257 blinking lights built into the cabinet for that "extra race-track realism". This game is guaranteed to knock your socks off with impossible steering controls, out of this world driving physics, and plinky-boppy techno music that will torment and assault you sonically throughout the entire game. Arcade owners have mixed responses to the game, reporting that the game rakes in tons of cash from drooling,mouth-breathing patrons who are "strangely hypnotized" by the funny

lights, but lament that more electricity is burned than four continously running commercial electric dryers heating 200 pounds of wet burlap.


-Nicholas "Nikolai" Schell

Okay…I'll admit it…I laughed out loud when I saw, "Mortal Kongress". :)

Oh, and I think you'd be very disappointed with Hunt the Wumpus. It's a lot less odd than it sounds. ;)


- Jason "loonyboi" Bergman is the editor-in-chief of loonygames. He's going to get hell for that crack about his girlfriend...just wait.


Credits: MailBag logo illustrated and is © 1999 Dan Zalkus. The MailBag is © 1999 Jason Bergman. All other content is © 1999 loonyboi productions. Unauthorized reproduction is strictly prohibited and not nice.