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"let's give away some cool crap" dept:
Duke Contest Winners
(a special edition of the MailBag)
Comments by Stephanie "Bobbi" Bergman
We asked our readers to send in (in 50 words or less) why they thought Duke Nukem is still so popular. At stake? A Duke action figure, and a signed Duke Nukem 3D CD.
Oooh, this was a tough one.
Before the winner's listed tho, a little note to "Skippy" who wrote the winning mailbag entry from last week...Dude, your e-mail's screwed up!!! E-mail ME so I can get you your t-shirt, 'k?
Now...back to business...Thanks to everyone who entered the contest, we had some really great entries. But without further adeiu...the winner of the signed Duke 3D CD is....
Subject: Why Duke is Still Popular
Duke is still popular after two years because he offers good ol' head rippin' neck crappin', arm tearin', karaoke singin', babe watchin', mirror lovin', jet-pack cruisin', face huggin' worm blastin', gut wrenchin', puberty accelerating, sawed-off fully-loaded pump action for frustrated alien-hatin' hetero-sapiens such as myself.
And the winner of the Duke action figure (with ass whoopin action!!) is (just because anybody who writes a letter like this seems like they could have a hell of a lot of fun playing with an action figure) :)
Subject: Duke's explosions rule, baby
I pound my chest, my ears hum with excitement! Something down below my navel but above my knees starts to act funny, but I ignore it! I have a therapeutic chair, so its not the least bit uncomfortable! Anyway, THE EXPLOSIONS! Duke3d's explosions bring out my inner Neanderthal.
These were just too classic not to print, so, while they're not contest winners, they're still a good read. Enjoy!!
Subject: The Godfather sends his regards...
Me 'n da boys was wonderin' when you was gonna give us da money you borrow't from us to pay dem strippas'. We 'spect our money ta be repay'd ta us in full. If ya don't give us da money Leroy here will go to ya house 'n break ya shades.
Subject: It's obvious!
It doesn't matter what lattitude, longitude or altitude . . . Duke's always got the attitude, dude!
I guess Duke has remained so popular because he looks so much like Clinton. Seriously, look closely. They even have the same personality. If Clinton would work out a little I'm sure that you couldn't tell them apart. He'd also need to find some better looking chicks though.
Subject: Duke Nukem Comes Forth
Duke still kicks ass because of that monstrous bulge in his pants! A well endowed superhero running around doing chicks while at the same time finding the energy to waste aliens using phallic shaped weaponry -isn't that a fantasy to us all? They should call it "My Penis vs. The Universe: A Homoerotic's Dream."
Subject: Exakt 50 words...
Duke Nukem have humor, Duke Nukem have humor, Duke Nukem have humor, Duke Nukem have humor, Duke Nukem have humor, Duke Nukem have humor, Duke Nukem have humor, Duke Nukem have humor, Duke Nukem have humor, Duke Nukem have humor, Duke Nukem have humor, Duke Nukem have humor, GREAT HUMOR!
Subject: Why duke is still #1
Duke is still the best 3D hero for one person. He kills people not for survival, but because he can. His Kiss-Ass-And-Like-It-And-While-You're-At-It-Get-Me-Some-Beer attitude show why no space marine, prisoner, or any other punk with a gun can compare to the true master of disaster, Duke.
Subject: Why I think Duke is still popular, in 50 words or less
Duke kicks ass.
Duke is still popular because I said so.
Subject: Duke 3D
"Welcome to Kay-Tee-Eye-Tee, K-Tit, home of the breast... uh... best hits in town!" Now everyone knows exactly where I am. It's a dare. They take it. I get a kill or two in first though. And about the time I respawn, I hear echoing across the level Welcome to Kay-Tee-Eye-Tee...."
He is still the BEST because he has been kicking ass and chewing bubble gum for the past two years, even without gum.
Because there's nothing better.
The editorial staff of loonygames would like to thank everyone who took the time to enter...no matter how strange their entry may have been. :)
Credits: MailBag logo illustrated and is © 1998 Dan Zalkus. The MailBag is © 1998 Stephanie Bergman. All other content is © 1998 loonyboi productions. Unauthorized reproduction is strictly prohibited and not nice.