Vol.
2, Issue 13
February 22, 2000
Thinking
Outside the Box:
3DS Tutorial #1: CyberGuy
by
Paul Steed
ow.
When I wrote the last edition of
TOTB about reviewing the reviewers I expected everyone to
either ask me to stop whining or simply ignore my rant as some
sort of chest-beating therapy. Wow. Shockingly I’ve received
about 200+ e-mails to date voicing their agreement with my assessment
that reviewers are somewhat spoiled/jaded/myopic/not-very-damn-objective.
Not surprisingly I did receive about a dozen mild to vehement
flames…10 of which were from reviewers themselves. Also (not
surprisingly) most of these unhappy people missed the entire point
of the rant.
Before
you roll your eyes thinking I’m going to start into that dead…equine
again don’t worry - just wanted to say (sniff) thanks for the
support. I did get some very well-thought, passionate and LONG
e-mails, though. The nerve I struck still causes me to pause
and think on the whole Internet thing. It especially gave me
insight to an observation I’ve had since Q2 that has always bothered
me.
I used
to complain to Blue pretty regularly (e-mail, phone, conventions,
etc) that he needed to take more of a stand on issues instead
of doing the fence-walking thing. I felt he was too damn impartial
yet when compelled to be partial he veiled it in thinly
disguised sarcasm or off-hand comments. “BE MORE OPEN!” I decried
from my pulpit. But since last week and after 3.5 years of exposure
to the ‘net I have finally come to the realization that people
like Blue came to long ago: YOU CAN’T HAVE AN OPINION.
That’s
right. These high-profile web pimps like Blue, Scary and Redwood
CAN’T have an opinion. No one on the Internet in fact can have
an opinion. How dare they? If they even remotely say something
you don’t want to hear, hoooo-boy. By God, YOU are going to let
them know about it! Sure they can dick around and kid around
and jovially cater to you from time to time. That’s okay…but
let’s face it. Making a stand on an issue alienates them from
you. I’m definitely not saying they don’t HAVE and opinion.
I happen to know they damn well do. I’m just saying they can’t
let YOU know they have one. They have to be this open-minded,
non-committal entity that referees public issues instead
of participating in them. Otherwise you crucify them. Yeah,
you. That 1 or 2 percent that hates his/her life and derives
undiluted glee from pressing the buttons of someone/anyone to
watch them react and acknowledge your existence. It puts a smile
on your face and warms your cold heart ever so slightly…ever so
briefly.
Taking
the referee analogy further…I’m the middle linebacker who occasionally
will take out a ref going after the guy with the ball. Hell,
I’ll take out anyone in pursuit of the goal…camera man, side line
spectator, cheerleaders…doesn’t matter. In fact it’s an accepted
part of the game. Sometimes the ref will get even…sometimes not.
But I’m ON the field making the plays, taking the hits and digging
all the perks of playing ball. Of course as much as I wish I
were I’m not indestructible. Even though I wear the pads of ‘opinionated-artist-at-a-well-known-game-company’
I’ll get banged up just like any other player. But I can honestly
say all this experience and play time is great! I feel it’s helped
me out of my introverted shell and the internet has honestly turned
me into a better person. No one calls me ‘shy guy’ anymore.
And with the help of Charles Atlas no one kicks sand in my face,
either! You have helped me. So let me help you
by following the advice of one of your more demanding brethren:
“That
was nice…how about some helpful stuff now ya whiny bitch.”
