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From the Mouth of Madness:
License Me!

By Jason "loonyboi" Bergman
Vol. 2, Issue 14
February 28, 2000


Akira: third person action game.

This is one of those licenses that baffles me. Why hasn’t anyone undertaken this one? Anime and video games are Japan’s two largest forms of entertainment, and yet one of the best anime movies has never been adapted. Ghost in the Shell, while not too related to the movie, was a pretty good game, I have to admit…and it only made me wish someone would get off their butts and make an Akira game. Can you imagine what a great Playstation 2 game this would make? The motorcycle scenes alone would make for a great game. Once the giant guns get pulled out…well, you’ve got great fodder right there.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer: third person action.

Here’s another baffling one. I would have expected a cheesy shovelware game by now, but even that hasn’t happened. Hey Warner Brothers - give someone the Unreal Tournament engine, a decent sized budget, and let them go nuts. If the game were playable from a number of characters (Buffy, Angel, possibly Willow?) it would be tons of fun.

Lord of the Rings: real-time strategy.

I had a tough time thinking of game that would make for a decent real-time strategy game, since that’s a tough nut to crack. Dune 2, I’m convinced, was total luck. Who knew how well that was going to work? Lord of the Rings, on the other hand, just screams for a strategy game. You’ve got a detailed layout of the land, a great (and large) cast of characters, and hey! There’s even a new movie coming out. It’s definitely tough to make a strategy game based on a license (look at Braveheart as an example of how not to do it) but Dune 2 proved it can be done. Let’s see something done right here, people.

Milk & Cheese: third person action.

Okay, so maybe this doesn’t need to be a full-fledged game or anything, but I sure would love to see someone try. If you’ve never read the comic, here’s the concept – there are two characters, a milk carton, and a wedge of cheese, that go around beating the crap out of everything in sight, and generally terrorizing the populace of the tri-state area. Sound like a great idea for a game to you? Well, it’s better than Grand Theft Auto or Postal, and those games got made, didn’t they? Frankly, I don’t think there’s a chance in hell that this will ever happen, but I’d settle for a mod that lets me take on the body of one of them and run through a supermarket with an axe. But hey…that’s just me.

Douglas Adams’ Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency: third person adventure.

Back in the Infocom days, Douglas Adams made a couple of : The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (in my opinion the single best game ever made) and Bureaucracy. His return to gaming, Starship Titanic wasn’t bad by any means, but it wasn’t particularly good, either. Work has begun on a new game in the Hitchhiker’s Guide universe, and while I think that could very well be fantastic, I can’t help but think that Adams’ other series could very well be better suited to adaptation. With Dirk, you get a bumbling film-noir hero, plus a wild plot that includes the extermination of the human race. What more could a game ask for?

Well, there you have it. Ten games, that if you ask me, need to be made. I wouldn’t be too surprised if a couple of them are announced at this year’s E3…but some of them (Milk & Cheese, for one) I don’t ever expect to see. But boy, it sure would be fun. :)


- Jason "loonyboi" Bergman is the editor-in-chief here at loonygames. He is fully licensed for this position.


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Credits: Illustration © 2000 Dan Zalkus. From the Mouth of Madness is © 2000 Jason Bergman. All other content is © 2000 loonyboi productions. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited, you strange, strange lad you.