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Birth of a Gamer: Myth II - My First Foray Back into Gaming

By Heather "elki" Haselkorn
Vol. 2, Issue 4 
November 30, 1999 

The third map is where I begin to have issues with the game. I mean, come on! All you have to do is lead some ungrateful guy to his village. Big whoop. When he makes sudden turns and you don't follow him immediately, he berates you and tells you you're going the wrong way. Then when the bad guys start coming after him, he cowers and shows you what he's really made of. I kind of wish I could have just left him there and gone on, but alas, you just can't do that. The map is pretty and there are plenty of falling leaves and butterflies and stuff, so I can't complain too much. Here's where I realized something, though: I don't think I've seen a female villager yet. I understand that there aren't going to be any in my fighting ranks, but still, shouldn't there be some in the towns? Or are they all hiding inside somewhere? It's the world without women, and while some might say this is a good thing, I find it kind of odd. Is a tiny woman in a dress too hard to graphically reproduce? Or maybe there were a few and in my excitement I just missed them. I dunno, but whatever, the game must go on.

The fourth map killed me. Over and over and over. I think it's called "Into the Breach," and I actually started taking notes on it because I just wasn't getting anywhere. I got my soldiers to the fortress and there we were joined by another troop. Uh-oh, I thought, if this is going to be so hard that I'll need backup, and then I'm really in trouble. Sure enough, my screen spins around (rather dizzying, by the way), and the drawbridge closes. Scene shifts to an "invisible dwarf" by the seashore. Of course, the first thing I tried to do was to send a few knights and bowmen over the hills to try to help the little guy out. But of course you can't do that, and by the time I realized that, an enemy knight killed my dwarf and the game ended. So much for his invisibility. Okay, round two, time for a more active dwarf. I was really good about killing all the knights that came my way and I got all the way to the gate. Only to realize that there was no way in. A close-up revealed about five knights crowded behind the gate, but none of them moving to open it. Maybe if I set some charges and blow it up? Nope. I peeked behind the gate to see if maybe I could find a clue, and I decided to listen to the evil knights' conversation. What are they talking about? Ruling the world? Sex? A nice, home-cooked meal? Nope. They want to buy the biggest turnip in the world. Very funny. I restarted the level.

This time I meant business. Third time's the charm, right? I finally remembered that you can pull up hints from a menu, and so I did that. Ah...My dwarf has to follow one of the enemies into the breach. Hence the name of the map! Okay. This time I was so proud of myself. I stuck close behind one of the knights, followed him into the fortress, and started blowing up everything in sight. And I was immediately killed. As I normally do in life, I took the wrong tactic and went charging in when I probably should have just snuck around instead. I gave up. This was just too hard.

I decided to try playing online, so I logged onto bungie.net. The opening screen is a chat room with a scrolling list of games-in-progress. I tried to join someone else's game, but they were all in-progress and no one was starting anything new. Fine. I started my own game of "Body Count." And was joined by one person. Who decided he wanted to just hide until the timer ran out. Gee. That was fun.

I think I'm done with Myth II. For what it's worth, it's a great game and I give props to the guys at Bungie for releasing it on a hybrid disk for the Mac world to enjoy. But it's just too darned hard. I want to go blow someone up. I want mindless slaughter. Any suggestions?

-Heather "elki" Haselkorn actually enjoys this.

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Credits: Illustration © 1999 Dan Zalkus. Birth of a Gamer is © 1999 Heather Haselkorn. All other content is © 1999 loonyboi productions. Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited, you cartoonish villian, you.