2, Issue 7
December 24, 1999
Suck it Down, Bitch
has been around for a while, and while I personally think
this whole trademarking issue is getting just a little silly,
I cant help but think I can capitalize on it myself and
make me some easy cash. Thus, heres a few phrases that will
soon be trademarked by my own little company, RadPipe Entertainment
Enterprises Games Storm (or REEGS).
longer will you able to type gg at the end of a hearty online
battle (without forking over some cool royalties to me). Instead
youll have to use phrases like, This was an excellent
battle that we have just fought, or, Your jama be
way cool groovy on me man, or the expressive, I wish
to tell you that this is indeed a well played game that we have
played in hopes of promoting good feelings and well wishing in
the online gaming forum, or simply, No offense.
has always bugged me so I feel very good about trademarking it.
I mean, if you just pronounce it as it looks, lol,
it sounds pretty queer huh. But now, as I own it, youll
have to revert to time-honored phrases such as, I am laughing
heartily with mouth open wide, and I giggle in your
general direction. Cool huh? Much better than lol.
emoticons! In fact, Im going to trademark the whole lot
of them. All two thousand and ten. Even the weird ones that your
nephew Lester comes up with and no one can make heads or tails
of them without a 3 paragraph email instructing you in how to
lean your head and exactly what those | phallic symbols are doing
in there. Consider as replacements:
am now smiling politely;
am now frowning at your previous comment and I might be a little
:~( I am now crying with all my heart and soul and would
appreciate a retraction at your statement and perhaps a warm hug
from the nearest big-bosomed female;
am now crying I am so happy. Am I not the cutest thing youve
might want to just forego that last one and fork over the cash
for use of the emoticon.
be a tough one for all you hardcore gamers, as its a very
expressive term. Instead youll have to use phrases like,
I am beside myself in wonder, and Good grief!
and Zoinks! Although if you happen to come across
your best friend in the midst of a passionate love making with
your favorite fem, you might want to shout the long form of the
acronym at the top of your lungs, as its probably most appropriate.
this short form and am quite pleased that soon I will be the only
one allowed to use it without the penalty of paying compensation.
I mean, its short and just chuck full of aggressive doubt,
all on its own. Consider: I am certainly not believing of
your statement or act, or This can hardly be construed
as true in any form, or Romeros a he?!
as suitable replacements.