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URL: http://www.loonygames.com/content/2.1/pipe/


Vol. 2, Issue 1
November 12, 1999

Down the Pipe

Introductory Ramblings

by Russell "RadPipe" Lauzon

It seems strange to sit across the river and view things from the other side, yet here I sit, Features Editor for loonygames, my favorite magazine on the planet. It wasn't long ago that I was merely a fan sending loonyboi the "loonygames is on hiatus? Noooo!" e-mail and not longer after that he sent me the "my first 10 picks declined, you want a job?" e-mail. I couldn't be happier.

As Features Editor it is my job to pull a Cover Story out of my ass every week and thrill the masses with some literary wonderment and chat with the industry Gods. No small feat indeed! How will I do it? No clue. Check back with me in a couple months.

This week's interview with American McGee was a delight to do, and I'm not just saying that. Alice is such a cool concept for a game and I love the Nightmare Before Christmas influence in the concept art. It's one of my favorite movies of all time. In fact, I think I can sing every song on the soundtrack by heart. But also, the game is being co-produced by one of my favorite game companies, Rogue Entertainment. I can't say enough about Jim Molinets, Barrett Alexander and their crew. Plus the Under Cover story about Christopher Greenhaw (who did that awesome cover pic), is just too amazing to forget. That boy is going places, you watch. Look for more on the Rogue crew to grace the pages of loonygames in the next couple of weeks.

On to bigger and bolder, and I'm not talking silicon. I won't spoil all the great upcoming features we have planned for loonygames, but I will say we're going to CHANGE THE WAY PEOPLE IN THIS UNIVERSE THINK, BABY! Well, ok, Kodos and his sister Kang are pretty much set in their ways, and if anyone can get Paul Steed to consider anything new then let me know, but everyone else better hold on to your hats and your pants! (Hats will blow off on windy days, and loonyboi will steal your pants if you let him).

If you dropped by for our IRC Launch Party the other day, then you witnessed chaotic mayhem at its finest. At one point I counted 150 people in the #loonygames channel, no less than 3 servers were buckling under the load, and our chief loonyboi couldn't get on to give his speech and get things going. And, to top things off, I found I am absolutely terrible at stalling. It was cool. We had a lot of VIPs attend, which I was delighted to see, in fact I think I'll list them here:

Dave Kirsch, Paul Steed, and John Cash of id Software
John Romero, Stevie Case, and Chris Cummings of Ion Storm
Chris Greenhaw, Rob Selitto, and Bobby Pavlock of Rogue Entertainment
Jake Simpson, and John Scott of Raven Software
Jim Downs of All Games Network
Jenne "Mynx" Bailey of Dear Mynx
Cliff Bleszinski and Brandon Reinhart of Epic Megagames
Illiad of User Friendly
There were others (like two excellent dudes from Looking Glass) but I was too drunk to write their names down. Sorry. I suggested the idea of doing weekly IRC parties but people kept threatening to run me up the flag pole so I dropped it.
Hey now, how about some background info on our Radmeister? It goes against my better judgement, and makes me a target for Canada's Most Wanted, but what the heck. I hail from the Toronto area and I work in a pharmaceutical company as a Validation Specialist. Essentially I do tons of documentation in preparation for FDA audits so that we can make drugs and sell them to the general public. Now doesn't that just send shivers up your sphincter? I've been a professional computer techie for over ten years and have loads of writing experience that I've accumulated mostly on the side. I have a book published and I worked briefly for Atlantis Films (now Alliance Atlantis) in Toronto on an action/drama TV series. If those crazy guys at Raven ever get their webzine going, then hopefully you'll see a few of my pieces pop up there. I'm married. I have 3 kids (boys. Yes, I'm raising a clan. No, this is not a joke).

Well I've pretty much reached the end of my "Here's who I am, what I do, and how jizzed you'll be by upcoming Features yadda yadda" talk, so let's move on to a new subject. I'll title this:

"How To Cook Forty Humans"

If you can follow any bizarre phrases like that, then, not only are we connected on some higher unknown level, but you're probably a thesis subject for the white-coats too. It's not all bad, though. You get a lot of attention and they let you eat all the ice cream you want.

Here's an exchange I thought I'd share with everyone.

  <me> I'm doing my commentary on loonygames and I need a topic. Quick, what's the most embarrassing thing on your desk?

<levelord> ...got one! ...not on my desk, but on my chair, ...just between my legs where the Warrior would be if I was naked, there's a stain that looks just like, ...just like, ...well, you know, ...like I was here late one night when no one else was here and, ...well, ...you know, ...happened upon a pron page or something and, ...well, ...you know, ...made a mess? It's actually an honest catsup spill from a club sandwich that I tried to wipe up with a white napkin. The material from the napkin is now embedded in the chair and it looks a lot like a cum stain. No one believes me, especially the press when they cum, ...errrr, ...come to visit.

Never a dull moment when the good and humble levelord is on duty. Let's dissect this little gem of a message. Actually, let's not. But what a great question. I'd ask someone else but I don't think I could top that. Instead, I asked an IRC passerby who he would play in an upcoming movie, if he had a choice. His answer:

  <PT> I've decided.. that I'm going to be Anakin in episode 2. Yep. Might as well. It'd be fun. And I'd get to snog Natalie Portman - always a good thing.

Ok, I'll admit, that does sound like fun. But what really drew my skirt up, is this new word. This "snog" word. Man, that's one of those new words that catches me as soon as I see it. Say it for yourself. Snog. I love it. I'm going to walk around all day tomorrow saying nothing but snog. "Hey Jim, snog lately?" That's cool. Almost as good as the word "exhume". Try using that in an everyday sentence. It actually works quite well. "Yeah we're going to exhume that piece of code and take another look at it." I emailed John Carmack not long ago asking if he wanted to coin that baby. He didn't respond. Wonder why.

Welp, that's pretty much the end of this week's commentary. Next week I promise to talk about interesting subjects that are actually relevant to real world gaming issues, whatever those may be. In closing, I'd like to leave you with one final thought, parlayed to me by a good friend who
wishes to remain nameless:

  <Good Nameless Friend> One of my cats is named Poopie Eye. She has a brown eye and a blue eye.

Life doesn't get any better than that.

- Russell "RadPipe" Lauzon is currently exhausting all his free time researching Beer Goggles.


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