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2, Issue 1
November 12, 1999
seems strange to sit across the river and view things from the
other side, yet here I sit, Features Editor for loonygames, my
favorite magazine on the planet. It wasn't long ago that I was
merely a fan sending loonyboi the "loonygames is on hiatus?
Noooo!" e-mail and not longer after that he sent me
the "my first 10 picks declined, you want a job?" e-mail.
I couldn't be happier.
As Features Editor it is my job
to pull a Cover Story out of my ass every week and thrill the
masses with some literary wonderment and chat with the industry
Gods. No small feat indeed! How will I do it? No clue. Check back
with me in a couple months.
This week's interview
with American McGee was a delight to do, and I'm not just
saying that. Alice is such a cool concept for a game and I love
the Nightmare Before Christmas influence in the concept
art. It's one of my favorite movies of all time. In fact, I think
I can sing every song on the soundtrack by heart. But also, the
game is being co-produced by one of my favorite game companies,
Rogue Entertainment. I can't say enough about Jim Molinets, Barrett
Alexander and their crew. Plus the Under
Cover story about Christopher Greenhaw (who did that awesome
cover pic), is just too amazing to forget. That boy is going places,
you watch. Look for more on the Rogue crew to grace the pages
of loonygames in the next couple of weeks.
On to bigger and bolder, and
I'm not talking silicon. I won't spoil all the great upcoming
features we have planned for loonygames, but I will say we're
going to CHANGE THE WAY PEOPLE IN THIS UNIVERSE THINK, BABY! Well,
ok, Kodos and his sister Kang are pretty much set in their ways,
and if anyone can get Paul Steed to consider anything new then
let me know, but everyone else better hold on to your hats and
your pants! (Hats will blow off on windy days, and loonyboi will
steal your pants if you let him).
If you dropped by for our IRC
Launch Party the other day, then you witnessed chaotic mayhem
at its finest. At one point I counted 150 people in the #loonygames
channel, no less than 3 servers were buckling under the load,
and our chief loonyboi couldn't get on to give his speech and
get things going. And, to top things
off, I found I am absolutely terrible at stalling. It was cool.
We had a lot of VIPs attend, which I was delighted to see, in
fact I think I'll list them here:
Dave Kirsch, Paul Steed, and John
Cash of id Software
John Romero, Stevie Case, and Chris Cummings
of Ion Storm
Chris Greenhaw, Rob Selitto, and Bobby Pavlock
of Rogue Entertainment
Jake Simpson, and John Scott of Raven Software
Jim Downs of All Games Network
Jenne "Mynx" Bailey of Dear Mynx
Cliff Bleszinski and Brandon Reinhart of
Illiad of User Friendly
There were others (like two excellent dudes from Looking Glass)
but I was too drunk to write their names down. Sorry. I suggested
the idea of doing weekly IRC parties but people kept threatening
to run me up the flag pole so I dropped it.
Hey now, how about some background
info on our Radmeister? It goes against my better judgement, and
makes me a target for Canada's Most Wanted, but what the heck.
I hail from the Toronto area and I work in a pharmaceutical company
as a Validation Specialist. Essentially I do tons of documentation
in preparation for FDA audits so that we can make drugs and sell
them to the general public. Now doesn't that just send shivers
up your sphincter? I've been a professional computer techie for
over ten years and have loads of writing experience that I've
accumulated mostly on the side. I have a book published and I
worked briefly for Atlantis Films (now Alliance Atlantis) in Toronto
on an action/drama TV series. If those crazy guys at Raven ever
get their webzine going, then hopefully you'll see a few of my
pieces pop up there. I'm married. I have 3 kids (boys. Yes, I'm
raising a clan. No, this is not a joke).
Well I've pretty much reached
the end of my "Here's who I am, what I do, and how jizzed
you'll be by upcoming Features yadda yadda" talk, so let's
move on to a new subject. I'll title this:
"How To Cook Forty Humans"
If you can follow any bizarre
phrases like that, then, not only are we connected on some higher
unknown level, but you're probably a thesis subject for the white-coats
too. It's not all bad, though. You get a lot of attention and
they let you eat all the ice cream you want.
Here's an exchange I thought
I'd share with everyone.
<me> I'm doing my commentary
on loonygames and I need a topic. Quick, what's the most embarrassing
thing on your desk?
<levelord> ...got one!
...not on my desk, but on my chair, ...just between my legs
where the Warrior would be if I was naked, there's a stain that
looks just like, ...just like, ...well, you know, ...like I
was here late one night when no one else was here and, ...well,
...you know, ...happened upon a pron page or something and,
...well, ...you know, ...made a mess? It's actually an honest
catsup spill from a club sandwich that I tried to wipe up with
a white napkin. The material from the napkin is now embedded
in the chair and it looks a lot like a cum stain. No one believes
me, especially the press when they cum, ...errrr, ...come to
Never a dull moment when the
good and humble levelord is on duty. Let's dissect this little
gem of a message. Actually, let's not. But what a great question.
I'd ask someone else but I don't think I could top that. Instead,
I asked an IRC passerby who he would play in an upcoming movie,
if he had a choice. His answer:
<PT> I've decided.. that
I'm going to be Anakin in episode 2. Yep. Might as well. It'd
be fun. And I'd get to snog Natalie Portman - always a good
Ok, I'll admit, that does sound
like fun. But what really drew my skirt up, is this new word.
This "snog" word. Man, that's one of those new words
that catches me as soon as I see it. Say it for yourself. Snog.
I love it. I'm going to walk around all day tomorrow saying nothing
but snog. "Hey Jim, snog lately?" That's cool. Almost
as good as the word "exhume". Try using that in an everyday
sentence. It actually works quite well. "Yeah we're going
to exhume that piece of code and take another look at it."
I emailed John Carmack not long ago asking if he wanted to coin
that baby. He didn't respond. Wonder why.
Welp, that's pretty much the
end of this week's commentary. Next week I promise to talk about
interesting subjects that are actually relevant to real world
gaming issues, whatever those may be. In closing, I'd like to
leave you with one final thought, parlayed to me by a good friend
wishes to remain nameless:
<Good Nameless Friend>
One of my cats is named Poopie Eye. She has a brown eye and
a blue eye.
Life doesn't get any better than
Russell "RadPipe" Lauzon is currently exhausting all
his free time researching Beer Goggles.
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